Have you ever tried to change a habit and felt like you were running full speed into a brick wall? You’re not alone.
Many of us have been there. Throughout my years as a psychotherapist, helping clients tackle such challenges, I’ve seen firsthand how universal this struggle can be. You set your goals, make promises to yourself, maybe even jot down a progress chart, and everything seems possible.
But after a few days or weeks, the difficulty becomes apparent as old habits stubbornly persist. It’s frustrating and disheartening and a scenario I’ve observed countless times in both personal and professional contexts.
The truth is that changing habits is incredibly difficult, and understanding the psychological reasons for this can foster compassion.
How habit paths are formed in the brain
First, it’s important to recognize that habits run deeper than surface-level behaviours; they’re embedded in our brains.
From my perspective and my everyday experiences, I’ve learned that habits are far from superficial and deeply ingrained in our neural pathways. In therapy sessions, I often use the analogy of a dense forest to help clients visualize their cognitive patterns. Each habit you have is like a well-worn path through this forest. Every repetition of the behaviour entrenches it further, akin to treading a familiar trail. Trying to forge a new path requires immense willpower, and the temptation to revert to the well-trodden route is a common human experience.
The role of triggers
Then, the role of triggers in habit formation is not to be underestimated. In therapy, we emphasize the connection between habits and various cues in our environment. Recognizing these triggers is a crucial step towards understanding and modifying behaviours. Whether it’s the morning alarm or the smell of coffee, these cues can govern our actions sometimes without our conscious awareness. For individuals facing mental health concerns and past trauma, these triggers can sometimes feel overwhelming, making the habitual behaviour a refuge, even if it’s not a healthy one. It can be potent, and the influence of triggers is something we work with clients to navigate.
Mental health challenges
Let’s consider the impact of mental health challenges on habit change. Conditions like depression and anxiety can drain the energy and motivation required to bulldoze new pathways through that forest. Anxiety can cause excessive worry about the outcome of changing habits, leading to procrastination or avoidance. Negative self-perceptions and self-critical thoughts can further demotivate individuals from attempting to improve their habits.
The journey becomes about changing behaviours and battling an internal dialogue that may constantly pull one down a rabbit hole of self-doubt and fear. Practising self-compassion and being patient with oneself can mitigate the impact of setbacks and promote persistence. Helping individuals deal with these invisible battles has underscored for me that changing behaviours is inseparable from managing one’s self-talk and negative thoughts, which can sabotage change.
How to help yourself or others
So, what can you do to support someone going through this uphill battle? Start with small acts of kindness and understanding. Encourage without pushing. Maybe suggest small, attainable goals and celebrate every tiny victory. Sometimes, just a knowing smile and a nod can go a long way to show, “I see you, and I’m here.”
In therapy, our approach has always been to foster small acts of self-kindness and genuine understanding. Cognitive-behavioural techniques can help restructure negative thought patterns and promote healthier behaviours. Encouraging yourself or others gently, recognizing the tremendous effort required to change, and celebrating even the smallest achievements can be transformative. Simple gestures, like a knowing smile and a nod, might seem small, but they carry the message of solidarity and support, something we often need to remind ourselves, friends, and family.
Establishing a consistent routine can provide stability and make it easier to incorporate new habits. Using tools such as planners, reminders, and habit-tracking apps can help maintain focus and consistency. These insights have enhanced my practice and made me a stronger advocate for patience and empathy in my personal life.
And hey, don’t forget to cut yourself some slack, too! Changes, especially those that involve our deepest-set routines and behaviours, take time, courage, and a lot of support. You have what it takes to be a caring friend, and that’s a habit worth maintaining.