Questions to Identify Your Starting Points to Healing
Many who come to see me have done reading about the symptoms, causes, and the areas of their life that burnout impacts.
You have likely spent sometime in self reflection to gain an understanding of how you are doing right now. If you have taken the time to consider where you are right now and what it means to you personally, you are ready to start this last part of burnout recovery.
I get it and want to reiterate that you are likely exhausted and wondering what you need to consider. The diagram shows some great questions to get you started.
Where to Start When Burned Out?
It likely took a while to get you here, and so you will need patience and self-compassion to get on the road to recovery. You are best not to tackle all the questions at once! If you are exhausted, sleep is the place to start!
You need rest. You might be thinking to yourself that you cannot rest, you must work, you have kids, you have things to do. I understand.
Ideally, if you can have time off of work, whatever amount that would be, that would be the best way to start. Or have you considered a decreased workload? If that option is completely off the table, consider sticking exactly to your contract and, for now, limiting how much you do after hours. Then, when you have the capacity to start making changes, start small and start with one at a time.
Remember the Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
This is important as we move forward. You will be looking at ways you can make changes—changes at home, in your life, at work, and with your friends. There are some things we can control and some things we have no control over. You cannot change things that you do not have control over.
As you read about how to overcome burnout, remind yourself to focus on what you can control.
What About You?
The image at the top of this post provides some examples that might help you understand where we are going. If you haven’t done this kind of task before, you might wonder what it looks like. So let me give an example, and I’ll start with my emotions.
After asking myself ‘How am I doing really, emotionally?” ask yourself, “When am I emotionally healthy? How do I know that I am emotionally healthy?” For me, that looks like not crying at every Hallmark movie, not blaring my car horn at every terrible driver on the road, being able to laugh long and loud, and talking with my kids about their hard things instead of needing to be closed up.
Next, I ask myself, what do I need to be able to do those things? I need good sleep. I need to talk about how I am feeling, and feel how I am feeling in a safe space, and just let it all out. I need to walk or get some kind of movement most days, preferably outside. I need not try to pack my days full of things to do.
Next, I ask myself, what one of these things do I want to focus on? Not all of them (remember, start slow, with one thing that I can control). I can go to bed every night by 10 pm. No socials, no movies, no TV. If that seems to be difficult, or not working, I might ask myself, what do I need to feel ready for bed? (A bath, a book, a soothing candle, warm milk and honey).
Just One Small Change!
Just one small change: I can go to bed at 10. It is something I can control, it does not take a lot of energy, and it feels doable. Once that is part of my routine, I can return to my lists and pick something else.
Maybe I will learn more about my emotions. I need to be emotionally well. Or maybe I want to pick something different such as friends. I start to ask myself questions about friends. What do I value in friendship? Why is that important? Is there anything else I value? Or things I don’t value? Who are the people in my life who share similar values about friendship? People who will help me move in the direction I want to go? Are there people who will prevent me from doing that? How can I bring the right people closer? What does it look like in my life when the right people are also the closest to me relationally? And so on until you have one action in mind that you can control.
And this cycle repeats itself. I return to ask, “How am I doing, really?” and follow up with, “When/this area/is healthy, how do I know? What does that look like? What do I need for that to happen? What’s one change I can make for that to come about?”
But Change is Hard!
I understand! I have walked this path. Begin to write down your thoughts and your change goals. But don’t do it alone! Connect and talk with a trusted friend.
Or get in touch with me and have a FREE 20-minute Consultation. There is nothing to be ashamed of about that. The more support you have, the better!